THERE ARE NO BOUNDARIES

Mental illness etched its dark fingers into my soul at a young age. The earliest I remember the sadness creeping in was first grade when my teacher asked if I was stupid because I couldn't read. Since learning came to me slowly, due to my learning disability, my classmates labeled me retarded and my teachers assigned other students to give me answers on tests. It wasn't long until feelings of worthlessness plagued my mind. Sleep became a struggle and sadness engulfed me. I couldn't explain my intense emotions. At home little things set me off into episodes of anger. I'd throw things, scream and cry.

I kept my feelings to myself, unable to explain to my mother or anyone else how bad I felt inside. Everyday at school I was put down and began to believe what they were saying was true. My mind raced and self-hate filled me. Inside I screamed in agony, but on the outside I seemed like a normal kid.

This inner pain came slowly and increased as my school years progressed. By the time I reached high school I stopped talking unless I had to. The episodes increased and my mind raced with negativity. In seventh grade I spent long endless hours studying to prove I wasn't stupid, but I found little interest in fun things. When my brother and sisters were riding bike or playing games, I was studying. When we went on family vacations I fought to hide the darkness gnawing at my insides. My grades soared, but my soul fell into a dark hole.

In eighth grade my Uncle was run over and killed by a drunk driver. I fell further into the hole. I thought I was having a nervous break down. Tears fell for no reason, I had little energy and sleeping became even more difficult. Overwhelming feelings I could not explain engulfed me. Deep sadness, self-hate, hopelessness, worthlessness, anger and frustration filled me.

When my cousin was killed in my senior year of high school I fell to the bottom of the hole. In the darkness feelings of lonilness seeped into my soul. No matter how hard I struggled I couldn't climb out.

Mental illness doesn't know any boundaries. It doesn't pick age or race. It comes without warning and it knows no mercy. With counseling and medication a person with this illness can find relief.