DON'T
DRAG ME DOWN
When
you're in recovery, you have to make choices within your life that
will help you stay above the hole. You must learn your limitations,
take your medications, go to therapy when needed, and choose what
type of people to spend your time with. In a previous blog, I wrote
about choosing positive friends. It is also important to be aware of
relationships with people who also suffer with mental illness.
Especially ones who are at the bottom of the hole, who refuse help or
are in denial.
When
I attended group therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder, they
warned us to be careful about making friends with other group
members. I was confused by this. What was wrong with making friends
with someone who understands what you're going through? Wouldn't it
be a comfort to finally have someone in your life who knew what you
faced each day?
Later
on, when I joined a mental health group, I became friends with a girl
who also suffered with depression. At first, it seemed like a comfort
to have a friend who understood what it was like to be at the bottom
of the hole. When I reached recovery, she was still at the bottom.
Her world became like a drama. Every time we got together, she went
on and on about her horrible life. I never got a chance to talk about
myself. That's when I realized why they warned us to be careful about
making friends with others suffering with mental illness.
I
didn't want to abandon my friend while she was down, but I realized I
needed to set up boundaries. I had to limit the amount of time I
spent with her and talked with her on the phone. I had to make it
clear to her I could not always be available when she needed me. I
also told her I would be supportive in her struggle to reach
recovery, but if she was not willing to work towards the light, I
could not help her.
I
had to protect myself from being dragged back down into the hole. The
only way I could do that was set up boundaries. It became very
important to me to stay well and not let anyone take the light away
from me.
I
learned that I could not be friends with those who refused to get
help for their illness or were in denial. The best I could do for
these people was to educate them about recovery and mental illness
and pray that in time they would find their way to the light. If I
invested myself into trying to lead them towards help, I would only
be dragged down. You can't help those who will not help themselves.
You
can be a friend to someone who is ill without losing the light by
listening and educating them, but also by protecting yourself.
Knowing my limitations and setting boundaries with others who have
mental illness allows me to continue to stay within the light.