I COULDN'T LET GO OF MY THERAPIST

When you find a therapist you are compatible with, you develop a very special relationship. Many become attached to their therapists. The therapist is the person you tell your darkest deepest secrets to, even secrets you don't tell your best friend. If you want to get better, you can't hold anything back. Your therapist becomes more than a professional who listens to your problems, and when that therapist leaves, your world turns upside down.

After my ex-boyfriend kicked me out, I started seeing a therapist named Linda. I came to her as a wreck. When I first started seeing her, I cried at each session and was injuring. In time I told her about the abuse I was subjected to by my ex-boyfriend and the torment I faced in school. With a lot of work, I stopped injuring and started to rebuild my life. She helped me reach recovery, she taught my husband how to handle my illness, and she came to my wedding.

After my marriage, I went a few years without therapy, and when I had a setback, I went back to Linda. I saw her for about 13 years when she told me she was taking a job as a counselor at a college. My heart dropped. Tears threaten to spill.

I felt like I was losing a best friend, a confidant and much more. I told my husband I didn't want another therapist. I wanted to quit therapy completely. It was like my world shattered. I thought I couldn't go on without Linda. I felt I needed Linda and she was turning her back on me. Linda, in my eyes, was abandoning me like many of my friends did in the past. I cried in Lou's arms and he reassured me Linda was moving on with her career, not abandoning me.

On my last day of therapy with Linda, I wrote her a note about how I felt. She reassured me that the therapist she was referring me to would take good care of me, and if I didn't like her, I could try another one. She explained to me she was leaving to better her life, not to abandon me. She told me I was her success story and she would never forget me. She said she had confidence I was strong enough to get through this and my new therapist could help me.

I started seeing my new therapist within a couple weeks. We discussed the feelings I felt about Linda leaving. She told me what I was feeling was normal. A relationship between a therapist and her client is special. It takes time to grieve over the loss of such a strong relationship. She explained that it was okay to grieve, but I must also be willing to move forward towards recovery.

I still miss Linda, and I'm still getting used to the ways of my therapist, but I am continuing to move forward into the light.