WORDS HURT

You know the saying, “Stick and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me”? Well, it's not true. It's just a silly saying to try to make people feel better, but words do hurt. Name calling, rumors, lies and plain old bullying, causes wounds deep within the soul. These wounds could take years and lots of counseling to heal. Bullying can contribute or lead to mental illness in children and teenagers.

Bullying, started in first grade for me. I had a learning disability and my classmates and even teachers considered me stupid. Each day I faced my classmates calling me a retard, dummy, loser, stupid and so on. They harassed me at school, on the bus and when they walked past my home. They threw stones at me, poured cologne down my back and put “kick me” signs on my back. My teachers said they felt sorry for me because I would never be smart enough to be worth anything in the future. They assigned classmates to give me answers on tests.

The name calling gnawed at my insides. At night I rolled around struggling to sleep and when I did sleep, nightmares haunted me. I began to hate myself and believe that my classmates and teachers were right: I was worthless. Darkness filled me as I faced school and went home afterwords, crying. I learned to keep quiet at school. The less I talked, the better chance I had of not being teased about how I talked or what I said.

The bullying ripped at my heart and soul and a deep sadness settled in. I struggled to make it from day to day. I lost interest in things that used to bring me joy and I began to see the bad side to everything around me. I felt that my life was hopeless and I was useless.

It wasn't until I got older that I realized I suffered from depression most of my childhood. The bullying throughout elementary and high school pushed me deeper into my depression. I also believe it is the root of my Borderline Personality Disorder. In my adult years, I had to learn how to undo the damage my classmates and teachers did. My therapist helped me find ways to heal my wounds and reach for recovery.

Therapy helped me heal my wounds, but it couldn't take away my scars. I still have scars no one can see, but I am much stronger. Sometimes I fall back into that negative thinking I learned in school, but I have my husband to remind me there is a positive side to everything.

Bullying hurts and opens up wounds within the soul, but with counseling those wounds can heal. That's why it's important to support your child and get him or her help as soon as possible. With help, I found God's healing touch through therapy and I stand above those who put me down, dancing within the light.