A SILENT CRY

Self-injury is a serious illness and is not done for attention. Those who injure do it as a means to cope with their mental illness. It is also a silent cry for help, a cry no one hears and many do not know about, a cry most injurers keep a secret by hiding their wounds. Others injure in places that are noticeable or show their injuries to others. Even if they are not hiding their wounds, they are crying for help.

When I first revealed to my mom I was hurting myself she immediately found me a therapist. When I told my therapist I was harming myself on purpose, she accused me of doing it for attention and to hurt others. I tried to tell her that I was hurting badly inside and I didn't know how to relieve my pain. She wouldn't listen to me. I left each therapy session in tears.

Many injure as a coping technique and that is why I injured. I found it the only way I could deal with the overpowering emotions that filled me. My emotions hurt so bad I had to release them, and the only way I could think of letting them out was to hurt myself. A wound on my outer body felt better than what was happening within me. Some people harm themselves, because they feel numb and need to injure just to feel. I did it because I felt too much. Harming myself gave me an escape from my internal pain.

When I went to a friend's house for dinner, they were talking about people cutting themselves for attention. They said a girl we knew and some children they went to school with were harming themselves just for attention. I told them those who inflict wounds on themselves are crying for help. They are sick and need professional help. People who are emotionally well do not intentionally cause injury to themselves.

I hid my self-injury because I feared judgment like this. I wanted help, but I was afraid to ask for it. Deep inside I was crying, but no one could hear my cries, buried deep inside me. When someone did see my injuries, I made excuses. I wanted to yell out, “I need help,” but couldn't. Instead I hid my tears, creating a deeper ache within my soul. I cried silently with each wound I inflicted on my body.

If you know of someone hurting himself or herself, take it seriously. Talk to your friend, and tell someone like a parent, teacher or boss. Encourage your friend to get help and let your friend know you are at his or her side to support or to listen. Remember, a self-inflicted wound is not for attention; it is a cry for help. Listen to the cry and find a way to help your friend.

My mom and friends heard my cry. With their encouragement and therapy, I worked hard to put an end to my self-injuring. With determination, I stopped hurting myself and I haven't injured in fourteen years. Since I have found new ways to cope with my inner pain, the light shines bright.