FORGIVING IS HEALING

One of the hardest things to do is to forgive someone who has betrayed you or hurt you. Holding onto the anger and hate you have towards that person is much easier, but it is harmful. You are hurting yourself and preventing yourself from reaching recovery by holding onto your ill feelings. Even if you don't tell the person you forgive him or her, you must forgive him or her within your soul in order to heal. You must also be able to forgive yourself.

For years after my friendship ended with the girl who abused me I held on to my anger and hate towards her. It ate at me like a plague. Not only could I not forgive her for what she did, but I also could not forgive myself for allowing her to hurt me. I should have stopped her. I should have been strong enough to say no. The anger, hate, and self-loathing blocked my view of the light at the top of the hole.

When I got into an abusive relationship with my ex-boyfriend, I found myself falling further into the darkness. When he packed my stuff and threw me out, the anger doubled. How could he abuse me? How could I ever forgive him for what he did? The sight of him brought tears, and emotions bubbled deep within me. I vowed I would never allow a man to hurt me like that again. My anger towards him and my ex-friend weighed heavily on my heart. It brought inability to trust, anger, self-loathing and depression.

I swore off men for several years. How could I trust another man after what my ex did to me? I put my friends at a distance. I lost many friends because I drove them away with my insecurities about their loyalty to me. I hated myself for allowing others to abuse me and this deepened my sadness.

In therapy my therapist had me write a note to the people who abused me, telling them how I felt about what they did to me and telling them I forgave them. She told me to burn the note and allow those feelings to go up in smoke. So I wrote a two page note to each person, spilling out all my emotions. I was able to free myself from what had happened to me. As I lit the notes on fire, I felt the chains around my soul loosen and fall away. I was free.

My therapist explained to me that I was ill and unable to fight off my abusers. I was not to blame for what they did to me. With her help, I was able to see I didn't need to forgive myself because I didn't do anything wrong. I was a victim. For myself, I was able to forgive my abusers and let myself off the hook.

By allowing myself to forgive my abusers, I was able to let go of a lot of bad feelings. Even though I never got a chance to tell them to their faces, I was able to forgive and this became a very important part of my healing process. By letting go of those stored up feelings I found the climb up out of my dark hole easier. Because I learned to forgive, I have healthier relationships with friends and with my husband.

Forgive for yourself. Allow yourself to heal and reach for the light. Because I was able to forgive, within me I now dance in the rays of a joyous light.