DEVELOPING HEALTHY COPING SKILLS

While dealing with the darkness that blankets your soul, it's important to find healthy coping skills. Many times, while mental illness plagues our minds, we develop unhealthy ways of dealing with it like self-injuring, bottling up feelings, bursting into angry fits, lashing out at family and friends, and so on. These methods only push us deeper into the hole.

Some good coping techniques are:

• Problem Solving. Find friends, family, or a support group to help you find ways to deal with past and present problems. (I talk out problems with my husband.)
• Stay Calm. Don't scream, cry, or become violent over situations. (I realized I think more clearly when I'm calm.)
• Talk about feelings or write them down. Don't keep your feelings bottled up inside. Let them out to a trusted friend or on paper. (I keep a journal to write my feelings and thoughts in.)
• Find the positive. Instead of dwelling on the negative, think about and list the good things in your life. (When things look hopeless I remind myself of the good things I do have.)
• Be proud of your accomplishments. Don't think of your illness as a failure, but look at it as a challenge you will overcome. Even the small-things like making it through a day without injuring-are accomplishments. (I'm proud to say I have not injured in 13 years and I am in recovery from mental illness.)
• Find a hobby or craft. Finding something you like to do such as a craft or hobby. A craft or hobby can be relaxing and it can also keep you busy so you're not thinking too much. (Writing and wood-burning helps me keep busy and relax me.)
• Develop a support system. Gather up friends and family members you can turn to when times get rough. If you don't have friends or family, find a support group. (My family, some friends, and my husband are people I can turn to in a time of need.)
• List negative thoughts and turn them into positive. Fold a piece of paper in half. Write negative thoughts on the top of one side and positive thoughts on the other. Write down your negative thought like, “I'm a worthless, loser” and on the other side write, “I'm a kind and successful person.” (This taught me to look at myself and things around me in a positive way.)

Some of these coping techniques and more can be found at http://www.haveigotaproblem.com/download/191/How-To-Improve-Coping-Skills. Learning how to deal with the emotions and thoughts that fill you will help you reach recovery. Using unhealthy skills only makes you feel worse. They did for me. The more I bottled up my feelings and injured, the darker and deeper the hole of depression became. I felt like there was no way out. When I started going to therapy and began to learn many of the above healthy coping techniques, I started to climb the walls of my hole until I reached the light.

I still use some of the above skills to deal with rough times in my life and they keep me dancing in the light.

ARE YOU STRESSED OUT?

Stress can play a serious role in deepening depression or other mental illnesses. It affects everyone, even people without mental illness. When the mind is plagued with sadness, stress becomes magnified and begins to take over the body and mind. It makes you feel like you have no control over your emotions, body, and life.

In college, I worked hard to pass my classes while struggling with a learning disability. It took me a long time to read chapters for homework, and I had to study extra hard to pass tests. I couldn't concentrate and my thoughts began to race. My muscles tightened and my shoulders and neck became sore, causing me to have a headache. The harder I pushed to make good grades in my classes, the more stressed I became. I became frustrated and I felt as if I had no control over my body, college, and life. I spent hours in my room, alone, falling deeper into the hole and injuring.

When I was at my worst, small things stressed me out like buying new shoes, choosing friends, or deciding what to eat. I felt worthless, like I couldn't do anything right. My chest tightened and it felt as if someone had shoved a fist down my throat. Then I got into an abusive friendship and the stress increased. I started dry heaving and throwing up. Keeping the friendship and the idea of being alone if the friendship ended, stressed me out also. I lost my appetite, I couldn't sleep at night, and when I did sleep I had nightmares.

During my path to recovery, my therapist helped me identify the different things in my life that caused my stress. Things like bad relationships, worrying over finances, doing a good job at work, and my health. When I first started working my job, I got sick with the flu and bronchitis often. I learned that the more intense I felt, the weaker my immune system became. Once I was able to learn techniques to relax, I was able to handle the rough patches in my life better.

Stress still plays a big role in my life, but I have learned to handle it better. I have also learned to avoid it when I can. I don't work full time because I know it would be too much for me to handle. I have ended unhealthy friendships, I talk over finances with my husband, and I try to avoid conflict. With my illness, I know I have limitations and I find ways around them.

When I do get stressed out, I write in my journal, I listen to a relaxation tape, I take deep breaths and slowly let them out. I also turn to my support team such as my friends, family, and husband. With the techniques I have learned in therapy and the help of my support team, I can take stress by the hand and dance within the light.

SYMPTOMS OF SELF-INJURY

Self-injury is serious and should not be taken lightly. It's both an unhealthy coping mechanism and a silent cry for help. If a person mentions wanting to injure, take him or her seriously. People do not hurt themselves for attention. They injure because they are sick and need help. There are symptoms you need to look for to identify a self-injurer.

The symptoms are:

• Scars from burns or cuts (I never cut deep enough to leave a lot of scars.)
• Fresh cuts, scars, bruises, or other wounds (I cut myself, scratched myself, and tried burning myself.)
• Broken bones
• Keeping sharp objects on hand (I stored sharp objects in my dresser.)
• Wearing long sleeves and long pants even in hot weather (After I injured, I wore long sleeves even in the summer.)
• Claiming to have frequent accidents or mishaps (I had a lot of excuses for why I had cuts and scratches.)
• Spending a great deal of time alone (I usually injured in my room or in a place where I was by myself)
• Pervasive difficulties in interpersonal relationships
• Persistent questions about personal identity, such as “Who am I?” or “What am I doing here?” (I frequently questioned the reason for my existence and who I was.)
• Behavioral and emotional instability, impulsively, and unpredictability (I was not stable, and I was fine then a mess within seconds.)
• Statements of helplessness, hopelessness, or worthlessness (I felt like my life was a hopeless mess and I hated myself. I thought I was worthless.)

Arms, legs and front of torso are common areas of self-injuries. I injured on my arms because I knew I could hide them. If you notice frequent injuries in these areas and any of these symptoms, encourage your friend or family member to get help. If you see symptoms in a teenager talk to his or her parents, a teacher, or school counselor. If you have these symptoms or thoughts of hurting yourself, find help. Tell someone you're close to and seek therapy.

I found these symptoms at http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/self-injury/basics/symptoms/con-20025897. There is more information at this site that can help you understand self-injury. Recovery is possible.

I set myself a goal of going a year without hurting myself, and now I haven't self-injured in 13 years. My therapist taught me healthier ways to cope with my illness and stressors in my life. Thanks to therapy and determination, I dance within the light of recovery. You can too.