DON'T DRAG ME DOWN

When you're in recovery, you have to make choices within your life that will help you stay above the hole. You must learn your limitations, take your medications, go to therapy when needed, and choose what type of people to spend your time with. In a previous blog, I wrote about choosing positive friends. It is also important to be aware of relationships with people who also suffer with mental illness. Especially ones who are at the bottom of the hole, who refuse help or are in denial.

When I attended group therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder, they warned us to be careful about making friends with other group members. I was confused by this. What was wrong with making friends with someone who understands what you're going through? Wouldn't it be a comfort to finally have someone in your life who knew what you faced each day?

Later on, when I joined a mental health group, I became friends with a girl who also suffered with depression. At first, it seemed like a comfort to have a friend who understood what it was like to be at the bottom of the hole. When I reached recovery, she was still at the bottom. Her world became like a drama. Every time we got together, she went on and on about her horrible life. I never got a chance to talk about myself. That's when I realized why they warned us to be careful about making friends with others suffering with mental illness.

I didn't want to abandon my friend while she was down, but I realized I needed to set up boundaries. I had to limit the amount of time I spent with her and talked with her on the phone. I had to make it clear to her I could not always be available when she needed me. I also told her I would be supportive in her struggle to reach recovery, but if she was not willing to work towards the light, I could not help her.

I had to protect myself from being dragged back down into the hole. The only way I could do that was set up boundaries. It became very important to me to stay well and not let anyone take the light away from me.

I learned that I could not be friends with those who refused to get help for their illness or were in denial. The best I could do for these people was to educate them about recovery and mental illness and pray that in time they would find their way to the light. If I invested myself into trying to lead them towards help, I would only be dragged down. You can't help those who will not help themselves.

You can be a friend to someone who is ill without losing the light by listening and educating them, but also by protecting yourself. Knowing my limitations and setting boundaries with others who have mental illness allows me to continue to stay within the light.