ARE YOU BEING ABUSED?

Abuse, verbal or physical, can happen to anyone. It could be peer abuse, boyfriend abuse, friend abuse, parental abuse or spousal abuse. Anyone is capable of being hurt by another person. What leads a person to harm another person is incomprehensible. We'll never understand it, but we can learn ways to protect ourselves from it and to escape it. Someone with mental illness can become prey to abusers. The mentally ill are often weak and unable to defend themselves.

When my uncle died my senior year of high school, a close friend saw it as an opportunity to hurt me. I was sick and desperate for friendship. I was willing to endure whatever it took to keep my friendship and avoid being left alone. My friend abused me verbally and in other ways. The longer the abuse went on, the sicker and blinder I became, but yet I could not let go. The only thing I could think about was how horrible I felt inside, and I believed my friend when she said our friendship was special.

When I started to have problems again, I fell in love with a man whom I thought I would marry. When I moved in with him, I fell deeper into my depression. He began controlling me. There was a certain frying pan I couldn't use because he said I would ruin it, he insisted on coming to my therapy appointments and doing most of the talking. He used my money to spend foolishly. He told me my cooking wasn't good enough. He said I was a failure because I didn't get the degree I wanted in college. He put me down continuously and he abused me in other ways. I was too sick to see what he was doing to me until he kicked me out and I was hospitalized.

I was also abused by my classmates in school when they put me down on a daily basis and by the teachers who also degraded me. During my illness I became the subject of many bad relationships. One friend stole money from me, while another one asked me to move in with her and her husband and then started finding fault with everything I did. The friendships ignited my illness and pushed me into the hole. I found myself too weak to fight back.

Because of my Borderline Personality Disorder I became attached to my abusers and I couldn't see what they were doing to me. I couldn't let go of them even when deep down I knew something was wrong. The tighter I held on, the darker my soul became. They ended my relationships when my illness became too much to handle.

In therapy I learned the signs of abuse and how to walk away. If you're being abused, find help, talk to someone you trust and don't be afraid to walk away. No one deserves to be abused. Remember verbal abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse. Call the national abuse hot line for domestic abuse 1-800-7233. If you're being abused by a friend or classmate, turn to someone you can trust.

I survived my abuse and have found a very loving husband. It is the love of my husband that has raised me above the abuse I underwent and allows me to soak within the light.