DO YOU BLOCK YOUR OWN JOY?

Sometimes we prevent our own joy by the way we think. We let our own interpretations of our lives and the things around us stand as a wall between sadness and happiness. We think things like, “How can I enjoy my job when people are so rude?” or “I can't enjoy my life because I'm too shy.” We find ways to block out the joy in our lives by hiding behind excuses for our lack of happiness. These excuses are called joy blockers.

Sometimes we do things to block our own joy such as blaming others, diminishing ourselves, complaining about the things around us, finding everything boring, finding ourselves virtuous if we deny ourselves what makes us happy and comparing yourself unfavorable to others.

I found the joy blocker I used often was diminishing myself. I couldn't find joy because I thought I was too ugly and a burden to men. How could I be happy if I was too ugly for any man to want to date or build a life with? Who would want me if I was too much to handle? I figured I'd spend my life alone. If I wasn't good enough for a man, then I believed I would never find happiness. After several failed relationships, my diminished view of myself increased.

I couldn't be happy if I was good for nothing. I spent my life listening to others say I was useless, and at times that became a belief of my own. I used it as an excuse to stay within the darkness. For years I figured my unhappiness was because I became nothing but a cashier. I was a nobody just like everyone thought I would be. I went to college and yet I had no skills or abilities to do anything but work in a grocery store. How could I ever be happy as a failure?

I also used the joy blocker called delayer. When I was in college, I believed I couldn't be happy until I got a communications degree and a good paying job. I concentrated on obtaining them and believed I could never find joy until I reached my goal. After I became an adult, I believed I would never be happy until I lived on my own and had a husband. I thought living at home with my parents was the cause of my sadness.

In therapy my therapist gave me a list of joy blockers and I was able to see that I was blocking the light from shining into my dark hole. I learned to look at the positive qualities about myself and change my negative thinking. I also learned to concentrate on the things I did have instead of dwelling on the things I didn't have. I found joy was all around me once I was willing to let it in.

By being happy with how I reach out to my customers, I realized I am successful. Being grateful for good friends led me on a blind date, which is how I met my husband. Knowing that I have a job, a home and my bills are paid brings me joy. By no longer looking at what I don't have and finding the positive within myself I am able to bathe in the light.