The Dark Hole

The hole of depression is deep and endless. Darkness blankets the soul. Climbing up the walls seems hopeless at least it did for me during my senior year of high school and first year of college. I tried to pull myself up, but I kept falling down. I grasped on to the vines of life, family, friendships and college, but they became slippery and I tumbled to the bottom.

At night my thoughts raced. I wish I was dead. I'm an awful person. Everyone's right, I'm stupid. I hate myself. I'm a good for nothing piece of trash. In the morning the thoughts continued. I struggled to get out of bed and stay awake in class. I injured to release the pain of my emotions.

I became a victim of a abusive friendship. She put me down and took advantage of my weakness. Yet I held on to her tightly. I thought she could help me find away out of the hole, but she only pushed me down further. I forgot what it was like to dance in the light. I cried easily and began to plan my death.

Being dead seemed better then dwelling in a hole of despair, anguish and hopeless. If I was dead, I would no longer be a burden to my family and friends. The torment of my emotions would be gone. I swallowed a half bottle of pills and became very sick. I became dizzy, nauseated and disorientated. I lived with my Grandparents during my first year of college and I told them I had the flu and spent a day or two in bed.

I couldn't tell my Grandparents how bad I felt, I couldn't even tell my parents. I didn't even understand what I was going through. When I read a pamphlet, I found at college, on depression I then knew I was sick and there was away out.

No matter how dark, or how far you fall down the hole there is away out. With the help of therapy, a support system and medication you can climb to the top. It took me along time to find the light, but with determination I found it.

Through therapy I learned to find positive things about my life. I started out small like noticing the sun shinning, realizing I had family who loved me and being grateful that I had a home. Then I learned to change my negative thoughts like my life is hopeless into positive such as I have a bright future a head of me. I used a journal to write positive stuff about my life each day. This was a very difficult task, but I kept at it. Medication helped make the process of changing my prospective easier.

I fought and pushed on against all odds to dance in the light of happiness. There were set backs, but I didn't give up and I reached the top.