SUPPORT SYSTEM

Often, during my illness, I felt alone. I thought if I told people what was happening within me, they would think I was crazy or they wouldn't understand. I felt as if my illness was a burden I had to carry on my own. I figured if I told my parents or friends, then they would turn away from me. So I put on a smile and acted as if nothing was wrong when I was dying inside.

 

It wasn't until I could no longer hold the pain within me I told my mother I was sick. Instead of turning away, she went out of her way to find me help. I realized internalizing my pain only caused me more pain. When I turned to my Mom, a big burden was lifted off my shoulders. I was no longer alone.

 

In later years, when I fell back into darkness, I found a good friend to lean on. When I sat alone at night contemplating taking my life, I called her up. She talked to me for hours until she had me laughing. I could call her any time, day or night. She had a way of talking me out of hurting myself or doing something I would regret. When I was really upset, she knew how to calm me down. She was the voice of reason when I could not think of any way out of my inner hell.

 

After she moved away, I turned to friends at work. Some did not understand, but I found a few who were willing to listen and give support and advice. These friends helped me through some trying times. Just knowing I had people who cared, gave me hope. Having others to support me gave me a reason to fight to reach recovery.

 

Building a support system can be difficult. I'm lucky to have understanding parents and friends. I know some people do not have these. Trusting a friend enough to tell her them about your illness is hard. It was hard for me. I thought people would reject me and a few friends did, but the true friends stood beside me.

 

I found my support system within my family, friends, and people I work with. Look around you. Who do you feel the closest to, who seems to always listen when you have a problem, and who do you trust the most? Support groups can also be supportive. I was in a support group for self-injury and became close friends with one of the members. Going to a support group gave me a chance to talk to others who are going through the same thing.

 

My support system was an essential part of my road to recovery and continues to be important to me as I fight to stay in the light.