THERE WILL BE ROUGH TIMES

Even though I have been dancing in the light for many years, I do have times when my illness gets the best of me. Recently I had foot surgery and after going back to work, I got an infection in my foot. For over a week I have been off work, laid up, my foot wrapped in bandages to my knee, and in pain. For almost six months I have been wearing an air cast boot. With all this going on I fell into a depression.

 

Suddenly, everything seemed hopeless. No matter how much I tried to think about the positive side to my situation, I got lost in jumping to conclusions, magnifying, and worrying. I thought my foot would never heal. I still fight with this feeling of hopelessness as I still struggle to recover.

 

Being laid up leaves the mind to wander into the realms of darkness. I'm useless. I can't even help pay the bills. We are going to go broke because of my dumb foot. I am going to be stuck in this boot for life. I'm never going to heal and I will have to leave my job. Maybe I should have never had the surgery.

 

While my mind continued on into the world of negativity, my mood dipped into sadness. I cried in my husband arms, I moped around the house, and worried myself sick.

 

I tried to keep my mind busy while I was off from work. I watched movies, I worked on a book I'm writing, and I read. My mind still kept slipping into the hole. I turned to my husband and friends. They reminded me to find the positive side to my situation. I had and have family and friends to help me out. I have a home, I have a loving husband and a dog who sticks at my side when my husband is at work.

 

Even though I have returned to work, my sadness lingers. I worry that the pain will not go away. I worry I will have to take a sick leave and we will not be able to pay our bills. I cried for a half hour when I had to go home early because I was in a lot of pain. My friends and husband remind me the healing process takes time, and even though I can only work four hour days, at least I'm working. My foot is no longer wrapped in bandages to my knee, so it shows progress.

 

While at home I write my feelings down in a journal, I try to remind myself of the good things in my life, I lean on my support system, and I try to keep myself busy.

 

I may be facing a bout of depression once again, but this time I know how to handle it and keep it from pushing me all the way down the hole. I'm too strong to let this sadness push me to the bottom of the pit of darkness.