HOLDING ON TOO TIGHT

A problem I have experienced with my illness is becoming attached to people. This is also a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder. I see a person as this wonderful being who can do no wrong. I suddenly need this person's full attention and I need him or her to be there for me no matter what. I feel as if I can't go on without this person.

 

Sometimes, I developed attachments to people who didn't know how I felt. I craved their attention and their simple kind acts became much more to me.

 

I became attached to a manager where I worked and yet I rarely had a chance to have a full conversation with her. This manager was extra nice to me when I was going through a rough time. She rubbed my back when I cried in her office. Every day I looked for her. I needed her to notice me, to say hi. When she didn't, I felt my heart sink. I wanted to talk to her, but I couldn't. She hadn't the slightest idea that I needed her to notice me.

 

I also developed attachments to friend's. I needed my friends full attention. I felt like I had to talk with or see my friend each day. I called my friend excessively and tried to make many plans with her. I expected her to handle all my problems. When she was not available, I got very upset and felt like she was abandoning me. I often over stepped my boundaries and expected too much.

 

Even when a friend became mean or abusive, I couldn't let go. I stayed in bad relationships because I felt as if I couldn't survive without that person. The other person had to end the relationship because I couldn't. When it ended, I fell apart and thought my life was over.

 

In therapy I learned friendships go two ways. I had to give as much as the other person did. My therapist taught me how to respect my friends' boundaries and to accept that just because a friend is not available does not mean she or he is turning away from me. I learn that no person is perfect and how to stop expecting them to be.

 

Now I'm attached to my husband and he spoils me rotten. I know he'll never leave me and he loves to give me attention. I take care of his needs and show him my love. I have healthier friendships and I am able to participate in my friendships.

 

I still develop attachments to people, but now I know how to handle them and not let my need for their attention control me.