ENDLESS WORRYING

I've mentioned in previous blogs that I worry a lot. Recently my worrying got the best of me. My dog, Elli, started throwing up. I took her to the vet and he said she had pancreatitis. I put her on medication and a diet of rice, pasta noodles and boiled chicken for ten days. When I put her back on dog food, she started getting sick again. I got worried.

My mind went on an endless road of worry. What if she's dying? What if something else is wrong with her? What if she needs tests we can't afford? How can I make her better? What am I doing wrong? What if we go broke getting her well again? How could I handle losing another dog if she dies? What if she has cancer or some serious illness where I'd have to put her down?

My stomach began to twist like someone reached inside me and squeezed it. I began to become paranoid. When Elli made a move, I feared she was going to get sick. I started to think she was acting funny when my husband said she was fine. My muscles began to tense and I struggled to sit still.

Lou took me in his arms and said, “You have to calm down. Elli will be fine. You can talk to the veterinarian and we'll do whatever it takes to get her better, but don't worry until you talk to the vet.”

His words swam in my head, but the worries overtook them. I tried to take deep breaths, but my thoughts raced. My stomach continued to turn and I began to dry heave. I took a drink of water and attempted to focus on something positive. Lou continued to tell me Elli would be fine. The problem was I could not seem to control my worries. Before long I was over the toilet getting sick.

The next day I talked to the veterinarian, and he told me Elli has a sensitive stomach and to keep her on the noodles and rice for fourteen days. After those days were up, he would prescribe her a special food. He assured me she would be fine, just as Lou told me.

Worrying is a challenge I deal with on a daily basis. Many times my worries become magnified. I turn a small problem into a huge problem. I think I can see into the future and everything looks grim and hopeless. Many times I worry for nothing. The future always turns out better than what I predicted.

In therapy I'm working on ways to control my worries and to find ways to relax. It's a challenge, but I'm determined to overcome this challenge. When I worry I turn to my husband and friends for support. My support system reassures me everything will be okay. As long as I keep fighting, I will continue to dance within the light.