TAKING CONTROL OF THE FIRE

When the fire of Borderline Personality sparks, many feelings and thoughts fill your mind and body. As the thoughts and emotions spill into the fire like gasoline, the fire grows and grows until it becomes out of control. Suddenly you're in an emotional episode. The fire is so powerful you feel paralyzed. You fear it will never stop.

Borderline Personality Disorder makes you feel emotions much more strongly than others do. If you let your emotions turn into an inferno, you have lost control. However, by taking steps, you can stop the fire before it burns everything within you and leaves ashes and destruction in its path.

In a Borderline support group I learned skills to help get through an episode.

First I needed to observe what is happening within me without trying to change or control it. I noticed the emotions building up and I noticed how they were igniting the fire. I was tempted to distort them, change them and control them, but I had to resist. I needed to just observe.

Then I learned to stop and take a step back from the intensity of my emotions. I would take deep breaths through my nose and release them out my mouth. I would try to focus on a picture or object that was calming to me. Listening to relaxing music or doing breathing exercises are helpful.

Next, I looked at my behavior. When the fire is burning I scream, cry, throw things, cuss and spit out angry words at the people I love the most. Then I looked at my emotions. Many times my emotions were out of control, they hurt, and at times they seem to control my actions. It is also important to look at your thoughts. During an episode my thoughts were negative, self-hating and angry. My thoughts also became very painful as if they were knives being stabbed into my soul over and over again.

Finally, I got some distance from my episode. I acknowledged that I have an illness, but I am not my illness. I found taking a walk calming. Journaling about my thoughts and emotions helped me release my them without igniting the fire further. Sometimes going out to dinner or to a movie helped me get away from the place where the emotions seemed to ignite. Being in a public place distracted me. Sitting home is where my emotions at times seemed the strongest.

Take control of the fire before it burns everything within you. Don't live within the aftermath of your illness. Find a therapist or support group that can teach you skills to cope with your illness. You can take control of your illness and live a happy life.

Learning these skills and many more has allowed me to stand up to my illness and take control. I no longer have emotional episodes, and because of the skills I have acquired, I live within the light.

I found these skills and many more in A Systems Approach To Treatment: Borderline Personality Disorder Skill Training Manual by Norman E. Bartels, M.P.A and Theresa D. Crotty, L.C.S.W.

 

Let me know about your experiences with mental illness by leaving a comment.

Next week there will not be a blog post because I will be out of town for the holidays. Please check back December 1 for a new blog post. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and be grateful for all God has given you.