YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS

It is often said we cannot choose our family and that is true, but we can choose our friends. During the process of recovery, I realized how important it is to decide which friends would be a positive influence on my life. Friends can make a big impact on your life. They can be encouraging, supportive and understanding. Some can be discouraging, self-centered and full of drama. It's important in the recovery process to surround yourself with positive people.

When I was ill, I made friends with a woman and her sister. The woman saw the bad side to everything. When she got a tummy ache, she thought she was coming down with a serious illness. When a car ran into a neighbor's yard, she said to me, “What if that car had gone through my house?” instead of thanking God it didn't hit her house. Her sister was very dependent on the woman and used her like a slave and also began taking advantage of me. When I started getting better, I realized the friendship I had with them was negative and I had to end it.

I had another friend who, when I took her places, she'd disappear on me. This friend would get upset with me for no reason. When she was mad at me, she'd leave mean messages on my answering machine. She couldn't keep a secret and passed around personal stuff I told her. She was very dramatic and got upset over the smallest things. On the road of recovery I realized this was another negative friendship. I ended it. I casually talk to her when I see her, but we no longer hang out.

I realized these types of friendships were dragging me down into the hole. I needed friendships that would lift me up into the light and help me stay in the light. My friend Cheryl talked me out of suicide several time and did not get off the phone with me until I was laughing. My friend, Kelly helped me find God and is very supportive.

I also learned that even positive friends have bad days. I also had to be a good friend. I had to learn to listen, to accept boundaries and be supportive. Friendships go two ways. My therapist told me if my friend was doing all the work of keeping our friendship going then it was unhealthy.

I'm happy to say I am now a good friend and I have many positive friends. My friends remind me when I'm being negative and tell me to focus on the good. It's my friends and positive husband that continue to help me bathe in the light of happiness.